I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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