Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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