so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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