the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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