***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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