Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
