your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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