You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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