Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
