Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
