Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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