I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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