Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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