he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize