Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
