Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
