lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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