i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
