I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
