You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
