Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
