There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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