I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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