i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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