I'm going to jail i love you
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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