I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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