I wish I could teleport
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
