I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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