There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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