marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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