dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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