I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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