Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
