Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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