I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
