do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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