ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We had to coat check the pizza.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
