We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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