i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
