We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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