I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
