Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
