franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
