hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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