i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
