I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
