he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
