Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
