But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
