If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i drank out of a bidet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
