Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
