Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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