i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
