Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
