Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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