You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
