dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
