I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
