Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
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Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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