You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
