Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i came on her dog
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize