Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
