It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
