I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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