I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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