She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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