Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
